Random Thoughts: Why People Cheat in Relationship

Dearest Mama,

It’s almost Christmas time, and believe me, Christmas items are flying everywhere: Christmas trees, ornaments, candles, posters, among others. Chickens and goats are also competing for space in vehicles, as they are being transported from one place to the next. Sit on the road for few minutes, and you will see a sheep, or goat or some four legged animal mounted erect on the top of a vehicle here. Sometimes these animals look like a military commander standing upright, ready to receive salutes.

While waiting for vehicle to go home yesterday’s evening, I was fortunate to be in the company of two persons. These two persons discussed a range of issues from development, to street peddlers, the global economic challenge, and then the discussion turned to relationships. As I listened to the two persons illustrate “how unfaithful” a spouse was in a relationship, I wanted to interrupt, but decided to hold my peace. Holding my peace was a way to allow the discussion flow without interruption so that I could understand the arguments raised by the two, and also to practice my listening skills. I did just that!

While it is true it took a lot of guts to remain silent, it also helped me to recognize that though infidelity and cheating is disgusting in my view, maybe, just maybe, some infidelity and cheating could be a result of problems in a relationship. Now before the "Zoedaes" (Lorma for female traditional Zoes) start throwing their hands in the air, let me state that I agree that some people are naturally promiscuous, and will engage in infidelity even if things are going smoothly in a relationship.

Aside being the natural disposition of a partner, it is well evident that cheating or infidelity could be an indication that there's a breakdown in communication, a partner feels lonely, there's lack of passion, there are lingering issues of trust. Other factors that could influence cheating or infidelity could include one partner finding someone who treats them better or who appreciates them more than their current spouse.

In relationships, few people intentionally plan on committing infidelity, especially not the first time it happens. In most relationships, when people make promises to be faithful, most people are serious and have every intention of keeping their word. Unfortunately, when situation arises in relationship, the situations have the tendency to influence our behavior, which then degenerates and lead us down paths we had no intention of traveling.

Psychologists tell us that there are three separate emotional systems involved in cheating and infidelity. The three emotional systems are sexual desire, romantic love, and attachment. And often these distinct emotional systems pull people in different directions. In short, most infidelity occurs, not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions overwhelm them.

The article, “How Do People Make the Decision To Cheat,” outlines several situations that influence human emotions and bring out the worst behavior. Some of the emotions, according to How Do People Make the Decision To Cheat,” are: being close or interdependent on someone other than one’s spouse for emotional support, being around someone who is sexually interested, spending a lot of time one-on-one with someone else, not feeling close or connected to one’s spouse (e.g., feeling lonely, being upset or angry with a spouse, etc.), situations that create the sense of opportunity - the feeling that one will not get caught (e.g., meeting someone in private, out of town trips, etc.), situations involving alcohol or drugs, among others.

“When placed in these types of situations, one's emotions often prompt people to act in ways which are contrary to what is right. On occasion, poor decisions get made. Unfortunately, for many people, it is very difficult to always be in control of one's emotions when placed in these types of situations,” the article stressed.

Overall, infidelity, like many other human behaviors, is sometimes difficult to control if there are problems in a relationship. Being faithful to a spouse is more complicated than simply making promises to do so. Being faithful to a spouse often requires avoiding situations which bring out the worst in our behavior, and also ensuring that spouses work together in building their relationship.

Consequently, if there are unresolved issues in relationship, it is important to patiently discussed the issues, find ways to resolve the problems, maintain a strong communication, among other factors that will keep the relationship strong.

Merry Christmas, and I look forward to seeing Oldman Beggar this Christmas.

always,
musue