Random Thoughts: Breeding Bullies.....?

Dearest Mama,

Consider this letter a diversion from our usual communication. I am writing to inform you and the town’s folks, the villagers, our ancestors and our elders about one of the major challenges of raising kids in this part of the world. It may be impossible to give you a “blow- by- blow” of the bullying your grandchild is facing, but before I can give you a summary, let me take this moment to express my regret to Pastor Darlingston Johnson, Rev. Julius Laggah, and Pastor Zangai for the delay in finalizing and posting articles from the past teachings and orations. I also take this time to ask editors of my manuscripts to bear with me as I deal with this grave situation. Thank You.

Mama, the latest bullying situation occured recently. On July 13th, my son went on a field trip. When I went to pick him up, he said his head was hurting. I thought he was just playing baby. However, after reaching home, my son again raised the issue, this time, mentioning the names of two kids and demonstrating how the kids (children whose bullying behavior is nothing new and resulted to our staying away from the family.) slapped repeatedly and violently on his head. My son then started crying. I then recognized the magnitude of the intentional tormenting, the physical, verbal, and psychological abuse my son suffered that day at the hands of these two children.

At that moment, I was torn. I called your grandson other grandma. My son, your grandchild, using his limited speech to communicate explained via telephone to his grandma what had happened. He also called the names of the two kids, and then started sobbing.

Mama, I know you got my message that day, and might have heard my son sobbing in the backgroun. I tried calling, but the satellite to the village was dimmed. I am sure you always see us, and hear our messages, and are aware of our attempts to reach out to you. But from this end, it is difficult to see or hear you. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, the satellite is a bit clearer to see your face. However, with my son still sobbing, and holding ice cubes on his head that day, I called on the Highest authority and petitioned him to intervene.

This is not the first time these kid(s) have physically and verbally tormented my son, Mama. In the past, the little girl openly pushed your grandchild; she also used both legs to kick and push my son in the presence of her mother. On each of those occasions, the girl’s mother just looked on, as if it was a normal or an acceptable behavior. Let me say it again, she looked on without any form of action to stop her daughter. It appeared that they enjoyed watching my son’s reactions, and my own reaction. You know Mama, at one time, I assumed that the little girl’s behavior was just a temporary phase, and that she would change her behavior at some point in time. Contrary to what I had assumed, the situation worsened, resulting to a marginalization of my son, and his growing timidity. Rather than find means to resolve the situation, the girl's mother defended her daughter’s behavior and threaten us. I still have that e-mail. Since then, and after seeking advice from colleagues and other professionals, I have avoided the family and vowed that if they ever came near my son, I will make use of every available option within the confines of the law to protect my son from any form, and or acts of abuse and bully.

So it came as quite a surprise that these kids saw my son with his classmates, and t they had the audacity to invade my son’s territory, just to pound on his head and demean him. Mama, ask the villagers to tell me … for what??? Wow, these people are brave? How dare these kids and their parents to consider my son their punching bag?

Mama, what really scared me about this whole scenario was a comment the boy once made. Guess what he said! One day he told me during a casual conversation that if my son ever visited them, they would use him [my son] for an experiment.

I asked, ‘what kind of experiment?”
The boy responded, “To see how long he can breathe.”
I was shock, but went on, “Do you want to kill my son.”
The boy’s response, ‘We have “antidote” in case anything happens to bring him back to life.”
When I informed the boy’s mom, she brushed it aside.

Can you picture such experiment with your grandson? Imagine the images that appeared in my mind that day, and other days whenever the thought of ever accepting the offfer to baby sit my son. I know that people from our village and surrounding clans will not allow their eight years old to toy with the idea of using a child for experiment, let alone express such. In this place, you have to be careful and on constant alert when it comes to raising kids. You see people, you interact with people, but you can assume to know them, or their thoughts. As parents here, we meet a lot of people at programs for kids: playgrounds, after school programs, etc. We meet at these places and try to mingle, setting aside our cultural and other backgrounds. But now I understand the dangers in mingling with people who are ignoramus, and cantankerous. Moreover, in a society where family values, love and nurturing kids are on the back seat, one has cautious about what children see, hear and live everyday, and everywhere.

Back to the situation on hand. It is too big to go under the carpet. Please Mama, don’t even start the little parables, and don’t even talk about kola nuts and white fowls. Most of the people here will eat our food with smiles that shows their jawbone teeth, but that is where it ends when it comes to tolerance.
Mama, I have forgiven them, but right now, I must be a parent to my son. This is about fulfilling my responsibilities, a duty and responsibility that I cherish, and fully embrace with my heart, soul and mind. If I neglect any part or aspects of this responsibility, then my entire life (my past and present, and perhaps my future) is a waste.

Mama, do you remember once when you took the rattan chair, share kola-nuts and ask me whether I didn’t like President Charles Taylor that was why I vigorously pursue highlighting human rights situation during his regime. What was my response? I said, “I don’t hate President Taylor, but like many others, I was a victim of the war; moreover, President Taylor’s policies and practices were not in the interest of the people and society.” Wait Mama, I know you may want to ask why I jumped from bullying to discussing ex President Charles Taylor. I am laying a premise to point out the degree at which I am pursuing this issue. The point here is this, Taylor was at the helm of power, what he was doing at that time affected me and my compatriots, thou not in the same direct manner that this lady have [directly] allowed her children to bully and brutalized my son. So if I could put my life on the line and vigorously pursue an issue that was somehow considered nationally “taboo” under President Taylor’s administration, then imagine the effort I am putting into an issue that has my child, a child divinely placed in my care, my biological child, my “only begotten son." Eh! Tell them, even raccoon knows what tree to clean his buttock on.

Mama, in this place, bully is a crime, however like all crimes, there must be investigations. So while the investigation is being carried out, we will continue to call on our elders to guide us in this situation. I have faith ‘as small as a custard seed,” that means mountains will move for us. God does not like ugly, God does not like evil. This situation is both evil and ugly. Bullying is evil; someone who bullies is a bully. A bully, according to The Free Dictionary is “a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.” Imagine that!

You know Mama, there is no way, let me emphasize, NO WAY, [I put my finger on the ground, kiss it and put it upward] this thing will be disregarded, ignore, and ceased; therefore, we must reach the bottom of this situation. The law will take its course, nature will take its course, our elders in the remote part of the village are also sitting on the mat and breaking kola nuts on this situation, and every agents of the Shepherd from all corners of the earth and the Universe - North, South, West And East are implementing the relief the Shepherd has ordered, and adjudged regarding my petition on this issue. As I complete this section, I am reminded of this popular parable, "He who pursues an innocent chicken always stumbles." As simple as it may sound, perhaps they may need interpretation. Who knows, they might have to suck up their prejudice to ask some of our people to interprete this proverb.

Mama, thank you for all the night tales. I learn and apppreciate that our Shepherd loves little children, and I know that anyone who does wrong to a child puts their hands in the eyes of the God, the Shepherd.

Mama, that being said, this letter serves as part of the documentation of facts surrounding the bullying of my son by these children with the acquiesce of their parents. Along with other professionals, this issue will only find closure after the necessary measures are put in place to put a halt to this cruel and inhumane treatment, the binding of all such and similar acts by the perpetrators against my son, and full restitution, not money or material things, [I want nothing from them, and want nothing to do with them. I rub my heel in the dirt on that.] but the full weight of ALL the law for the acts deliberately and calculatedly carried out by this family against my son. There are laws against bully; however in this case, it is not only about bully, but also a case of physical, verbal abuse, among other cruelty, and I may even add stalking.

Mama, bullies hurt and sometimes kill their victims. Some victims have remained permanently damaged from being bullied. But Mama, do you know that bullies are also harmed in the process. You see, Mama, children learn what they live. There is a poem written by an author, Dr, Dorothy Law Nolte. Parts of the poem goes like this, "If children live with sharing, they learn generosity, If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.” Some people fail to understand that children pick on our ways of life, the way we regard others, the way we view others, and how we relate to our own kids. Along the way in life, we sometimes make mistakes, but we can learn to recognize our shortcomings, and do the right thing. In the same vein, we can take a stand against bully within our own life, by modeling anti bullying behaviors. If bullies are allowed to continue their behavior, the behavior becomes habitual. In the process, they do not develop a mature sense of justice. Besides, they tend to intimidate others to cover up their own insecurities, which make their own anxiety level to increase.
Doesn’t this sound like the song the old man used to sing: you do good, you do it for yourself, if you do bad, you do it to yourself.

Dr. Carol E. Watkins in an article, “Dealing with Bullies and How Not to be One,” said, “There are a number of reasons that a child or adolescent becomes a bully. He or she may need to cover his own feelings of inadequacy. He may lack good adult role models. If he sees parents bullying him or each other, he may regard this type of behavior as simply the way one should act.” That really sums it up.
Sometimes I say, “Yes, being a single parent is one challenging job, but it is one I will prefer to the alternative that was on the table.” You see, children can learn everything; it is just a matter of how we teach them, or what we exposed them to, or what they hear and see. Once children are expose to bullying, intolerance, greed, they are learning those attitudes and behaviors, and therefore will "live what they learn." In the same vein, if you want your five years old to learn 100 hundred sight words within a given period, you can teach them in one or more ways: motivate the child, expose them to the words,(which is letting them live the sight words, and they will learn them),teach them by identifying their intelligence(s) and using their learning styles. Let your child live love, they will learn learn to love, let your child live hate, they will learn hatred. It's like, you reap what you sow in children.

Mama, say hi to Karworlorwu, Dobarzee, Olman Poe, MaTete, and all the family, friends and villagers. I'm still waiting for the country soda.

In the main time, I am working with my son, and have consulted other family members who are providing us support to help my son overcome the situation, and also help me to remain focus.

I miss you dearly.

always,
musue